This is a replacement for Sunday. Here is the whole story for whoever wants to read it. With pictures as far as battery went!

Friday: Started after work, went to 52 Canoes Tiki Bar to pick up food they sponsored us with. The food smelled so delish that we drooled all over the car driving to Glasgow. Came into Clarkston, had delightful supper and accommodation at Hotel Hillview and went to sleep.

Saturday: David was prepping for football, it looked like this:

IMG_3993I went with David’s brother Barry to pick up the canoe from Outdoor Experience Tiso Glasgow, it looked like this:


Then David went far away and I went into Glasgow town and met these people for a great send off:

IMG_3997Handsome chaps

Then I went back to Clarkston and gathered all the food in a cool bag. Then Barry fetched me. It had been raining pretty much all day, and I was already pretty soaked at this point. The canoe was dripping into Barry’s car and we became more soaked. David text me saying “is this a really stupid idea?” and I said “Nope. It’s great”. Barry took me to Glasgow Marina (Kirkintilloch) where David awaited. He had forgotten a rain coat, so luckily he got to borrow Papa Weatherston’s yellow Renault poncho. Barry went back to his convenience store in Cathcart. I went to Sainsburys to pee one last time in a toilet and to buy bin bags. It looked like this:

IMG_3998It is on the toilet. With my backpack on. I feel beautiful.

Then I took a famous selfie before setting off into the wet wilderness:

IMG_3999Everything I was wearing was soaked by this point. I was wearing waterproof trousers, waterproof jacket and thoroughly soaked converse. I rapidly changed into flip flops.

Then I walked down to the water where David met me doing this dance:

Then he sat in the canoe:

IMG_4002 David was wearing cotton shorts and a yellow poncho. He was not dry.IMG_4003

The Angry Duck himself in his yellow getup.

It was approximately 20.00ish. The rain started taking off a little bit as we went. Unfortunately everything was already soaked. This is how it was like:

A friendly hobo said under a bridge that we should have gone another day when the weather was nicer, we just laughed, then I saw something that looked like a swimming rat. It quickly swam away. We kept going, the rain was going off, but we were so soaked. Then we saw a stork, it had no baby in its beak though, so that was disappointing. Then we came up to some young ox cows grazing in the field. We mooed at them, they started dancing and kicking their legs. They ran along the water with us, and mooed gaily. They looked so happy. I was so sad for all cows who are only born to become beef, because these cows were so happy and friendly. Then we went on, and passed lots of canal boats and a large-bellied man outside some sort of function house. It was getting dark. People were going to sleep in their boats. But we had to keep going. The wind was against us, darkness was falling. We saw a large owl flying at dusk and two deer hopping uphill. We canoed until 23ish and realised we had to put up our tent because we could not see much at all. The bats were everywhere around us on the water, we thought they were little birdies at first. But they were bats. We stopped where we could and looked everywhere for somewhere to put up a tent. Then my battery died so I had no flashlight anymore. We didn’t know where we were and we were wet and hungry, somewhere along the path. We put up the tent in a slight downhill. It was ok apart from that we had to sleep in the front so we didn’t roll down a nettle hill that had already gotten us a little bit. David worried about someone stealing his flip flops outside, but not a soul was to be heard anywhere. David drank pear cider from Lidl that was the appliest tasting pear cider he ever had, and we ate delicious food from 52 Canoes, it was heavenly chunky chips, burgers, pasta and spicy balls. All so amazing, we had never had food that nice before. We don’t have any pics of the food since it was pitch black and David’s phone was dying but here is a photo from their flyer which really appealed to us:


Bless 52 Canoes and their amazingness in every way. Do go there, we’re not just saying that because they gave us fantastic food, but seriously guys. It is the best place to be, pretty much always, and their cocktails are as good as their food. Then we fell asleep, or not really. The sheep bleated us to sleep, or tried to. Then we woke up and it was

Sunday: David woke me saying a tractor was coming along the canal. It was a cleaning boat. People were running past our tent, we were right on the path. Some people were rowing, they looked sportsy and Commonwealth Games-y. We ate crisp breads and REKEOST. Not David. A girl rode by on a pony. People were saying friendly hellos. I ate some wild raspberries, delicious. The camp looked like this we realised in the light:

IMAG0516 IMAG0517Before packing up and taking off

Then we took off, around 9.30. The sun came out and other sports rowers passed us. We got the tunes on and were delighted. It was getting really warm, there were yellow waterlilies and blue dragonflies everywhere and it was like this:

IMG_4006Canoe smellfie. Before David gave up his lifejacket, too

Then the worst part of the journey happened: The locks. I was not aware of how many locks there were. We didn’t have a map over the canal and even though we had charged our phones over night, we had no 3G and could not check. There was one lock, we had to get out and carry canoe. It was heavy with all our stuff in it and I could not grip with my little bee hands. It was sore and callus-giving. Then there was another lock. It was painful and my toes got crushed under the canoe. Then there was another lock. A strong running man passing us took pity on me and stopped and carried for me, light as a feather, bless that man. We asked him about more locks and he said there was one more, and then none until the Falkirk wheel. The last lock was outside a derelict pub. I drank some recently defrosted skimmed milk to strenghten up, and we carried the canoe past the last bloody lock. Here is a photo of a flower bed we passed:


We went for a bit, then had lunch around 13.30 on a busy pontoon. We ate smoked haddock and lentil quiche because Elsie looks after us, and wondered why there were so many people about. Here are some photos from that time:


IMG_4011 Here she is, we named her KING 52 CANOE in honour of many thingsIMG_4012 IMG_4013

We also ate this leg carrot:

IMG_4015leggy carrot

Then we went around the corner, and saw that we were one minute away from the Falkirk Wheel. That was silly. We texted Barry to come help us. How else could we get the canoe up to the Union Canal? Poor Barry. He brought Colette and jumped in his car to our rescue. They were going to come anyway though, said David. Meanwhile, we fed some polite swans, it looked like this:

IMAG0518 IMAG0520 The Falkirk Wheel is really something. Highly recommended.

IMG_4020David learning about the canals at the Falkirk Wheel

Then the Weatherstons juniors arrived and rescued us again. Colette and I carried cargo, and David and Barry carried canoe. An American man coming out of a bus said something to us, but we can’t remember what it was. Oh well. We went through a tunnel. It was 180m and we were not really meant to, but no boat was coming and we could not carry the canoe that far. Colette walked us through it, it was over in a blink. Then there were two more locks, thank you Barry. Then we were off again! Colette took these two pictures, I stole them:

10502336_10154349337185471_6784410858760673535_n 10562933_10154349337385471_165215067486630441_nIt was nice and warm

Then we paddled along again. It was so nice, we listened to Bob Marley and the sun was shining. It was so nice and green everywhere, and beautful stone bridges that we went under. These are things we saw:

IMG_4022was it idyllic? Yes, pretty much the whole way

IMG_4025Then this happened:

IMG_4027It was the 620m long tunnel. There was a green light on the traffic lights, so we went for it. If the first tunnel looked slightly like Gollum could live in it, this one REALLY looked like Gollum lived there, and the giant spider, too. It was leaking and dripping with water everywhere, and everything was very black. Sometimes there were lights, but most of the time there was darkness. It is locally known as “the dark tunnel” and is from around 1800-early something. It had amazing stones inside it though, when we could see them. Anyway, it went well, and we came out and saw this amongst other things:

IMG_4030There is around 50 bridges or more, they are numbered and sometimes they have faces:


Then we paddled and paddled until we reached Linlithgow. Before we reached Linlithgow, we went over the Avon aqueduct (it is spelled like that on Wiki) and it was so amazing. It is the longest and tallest one in Scotland and the second longest in Britain. I got out to take a photo, and just then my phone died. So we stole these photos from the internet:

AvonAqueduct AvonAqueduct02Although we had scorching sunshine! Linlithgow was very pretty, and had lots of nice sites for camping. We stopped to buy some water, but all the shops were shut, so no water for us. David saw a bunch of Europeans listening to techno music and wearing snapbacks outside a hotel. We also saw herons. We went on past Linlithgow, and found a DELIGHTFUL camping site. It was opposite a quiet spot that had a restaurant called The Park Bistro but it was not open. We put up our tent on flat land, ate some goat cheese and butternut squash flan and drank some Crabbie’s and ate some nuts and chocolate. Then we watched the sun set under the bridge and it was pure lovely. It is such a shame we don’t have more photos, we are sorry 😦 There were so many cool things to see after this. We stole a picture from Google so you can see it:

Skjermbilde 2014-07-22 kl. 19.46.07 Apart from that it was much nicer with more green foliage and summer and sunshine!

Monday: woke up at 8.25 from a male man talking on the phone outside. We know the time because David had 3% battery. The man was a canal worker from the little black hut on the photo above. We were worried that we weren’t allowed to be there, and started to pack up. The Park Bistro stupidly opened at 10.30 and that was too late for us, we wanted coffee and to use their toilet. Instead we had to use the small “woods” seen to the left in the photo as our toilet woods (it was far more dense and covered now, but far from covered enough) and eat crisp breads with REKEOST and hoummus. The barge was not there either, just a very foreign cleaning lady accross the road at the Park Bistro.

We took off around 10.00, and passed friendly people and ducks. Then we met a swan family with three babies. The mum and swanlets were making lots of noise and felt threatened. We had faith from all the well-behaved and polite swans we had met previously, so we were surprised when we passed the dad in the back, then the swanlets (they went to the side) but certainly not the mama swan. She sped up, and made a racket, not only for a while, but for well over half an hour. It was super annoying. The papa swan and swanlets fell behind into safety, away from us, but mama swan went for it. She was brushing up her feathers, ran on the water and made super annoying hoarse squeaks for what felt like an eternity. We tried telling her that we wanted to pass, we tried going to one side, but she was right in the middle, screaming her beak off. We met the eyes of papa swan before he fell too far behind, and he was definitely rolling his eyes at us and we gave him a look of sympathy. She finally gave up, exhausted after half an hour, and would definitely face a domestic when she came back and she deserved it for being so hysterical. Her babies were safe she was just being a hysterical dame. We then passed lots of canal boat people, surprisingly many for a Monday. They said “watch out for the rapids ahead, høhøhøh *old man laughter*” but sadly there were no rapids, just a mild wind against us.

Then we reached Broxburn, and stopped for a coffee at the Central Cafe, because I designed their menus. It looked great said David, and the coffee was delicious. We also got water, and saw a super neddy mum and daughter with a poor dog who was limpingly trying to keep up with them and just pooed in a rush without anyone picking it up. Poor dog, he looked so sad, it was so disgraceful. We spoke to a friendly lady who told us about where to find things.

We paddled on, and then I needed to pee and I went opposite a horse looking at me, and then an oldish man cycled by on the other side of the canal and it was too late, and he met my eyes as I was standing up and he knew I had peed and I meet his eyes sheepishly and then looked down and realised my boob was out of my bikini top from bending down. It was horribly embarrassing. But David said we would never meet him again, although I kept seeing him everywhere after that.

Then we kept going until we reached the Almond aqueduct, which was also amazing. We talked to a cycling lady and stopped for some RitterSport whole hazelnuts and Haribo that had come with us all the way. A touristy family passed us on a canoe, and the lady in the family splashed David with her paddle. So sad we don’t have photos from this, but here is one we found on the internet:


Sorry we keep stealing these photos. Our solar chargers were not working even though it was so sunny. We then got past Ratho, and it was so nice and green, with trees growing over us at the top. We saw the climbing arena and ate some more wild raspberries growing over the water, far away from any pollution. Our speaker battery died but it lasted long so it was ok. We went over the motorway on a bridge, but there was only cars to see so no one is missing out from not seeing a picture of that. We then got into Sighthill, then Westerhailes. It was pretty quiet until Westerhailes, we tried smiling at and greeting people, but only got one strained smile (or just some bared teeth) back from these busy East coastlings. A ginger man on a bike in Westerhailes enquired about the price of hiring a canoe, he wanted to take his kids out in it, and asked if he could just keep it after hiring it. We told him no, they keep your bank details, and he looked disappointed. A friendly English man was speaking to us around Kingsknowe, he had cycled from Glasgow that day and was happy and impressed with us.

We then reached the Slateford aqueduct, and then we were home all of a sudden. No one was there to greet us, but we had no way of communicating the time we were coming home anyway so that was not surprising. David got his car and we put the canoe on the roof and then that was it. I was so sad it was over, and I would do it all over again, and definitely recommend it to everyone. It is so peaceful, green and beautiful, and the flowers smell so nice. We had a shower and put a wash on and ordered sushi, then went and got Katt Monsen, who looked like he owned Amandas flat and had had a really relaxing holiday. I hung my waterproof trousers out to air them out, then bitch-ass lady upstairs smoked and ashed and now there is a hole in them and they’re not waterproof anymore. How evil and inconsiderate.

I want to do this next year but doubt that David wants to come so let me know if anyone is interested. No one wrote about us from this even though I think it is pretty impressive, obviously no one in the media did. Peace out guys and now buy Angry Duck merch please! 😀